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Break Through for Breakthrough

By Gloria Nesloney

Migraines. Just the word makes me cringe. If you have ever experienced them, you know how debilitating they could be. I suffered for many years. They started the day I went through some major trauma. In my life, waking up in the middle of the night was not uncommon with intense pain radiating through the right side of my already weary head. My eyes would open just enough to keep the light at a minimum as I would try to see from the slits to reach over the nightstand for the Zomig or Gabapentin to relieve the accumulating pressure. My hair hurts, my gums and teeth become sensitive, and every sound is unbearable to my ears. How can I sleep knowing this time the migraine may last a couple of hours or up to ten days? My thoughts would race until I am finally able to go back to sleep several hours later.

I knew that if I didn’t have an outlet for the anger, I would hurt someone. Instead, I would hurt myself or throw things to watch the item break against the wall. A migraine was so intense with the thought of trauma playing in my head that I tried cutting myself and started grabbing items to throw. Radios, isocelting fans, footlockers, televisions, computers, if it was reachable, I would grab it and throw it as hard as I could. If only I could stop the memory or nightmares that triggered the migraines. If only the mirages of what was once a reality would cease. If only I could control the voices in my head. If only I could control the anger. Maybe I would be able to perform my daily duties required of me at the office or function like a normal person at home. When the night of unrest would end and it was time for me to get dressed, I would do a physical, mental, spiritual checkup before planning my day.