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As the Father has Loved Me

By Gloria Nesloney

With my face in my hands and kneeling at the front of the altar, I covered my countenance as I was lost in my emotions. If it wasn’t for the custodians closing the church for the day and turning off the lights, I would have remained there on the floor at the altar repenting for all of my sins. Clearing my tears and regaining my bearing, I stood to prepare myself for my ride back home. That day was only one of many episodes in that I encountered the presence of the Lord touching my hard heart while I was at the altar. I didn’t want to ever leave the altar of intimacy between the Lord and me. It was a beautiful time when I would surrender, and I could feel the Lord’s embrace.

The moment of brokenness from truly repenting came to an end when I arrived at my home. I would wrestle again with the constant reminders of my sins. I would find myself stuck in bad habits that didn’t end just because I asked Jesus into my heart. For just a short time, a week would go fairly well when I did not feel trapped by the addiction I was in. I forgot about having a cleansing altar moment. Instead, I would be thankful and do a short prayer as if I was better for not sinning as terribly that week as in the past.